Solitude

无法自处
无法突破的墙
无法跨越的一步

在人群中的孤立是那么的强烈

无法怡然自得
无法鼓起勇气
无法忽视的不安

为什么会这样？

Money sucker (pun intended)

To say things in the simplest form, I have never saved up a single penny. To spend what I reap, that's totally MY way of life, just that I don't always reap enough to support my spendings. The shopping mood comes at the darnest moments, when I have like less than a hundred dollars in my account.

Well, doing what I like when I feel most like it, is my another way of life.

So, that lands me in a situation whereby I do not have any savings. This is probably unacceptable, since I'm already an undergraduate ( a 3rd year at that), and I have a list of debts that I'm entitled to pay for right after my graduation, or rather, right after I get a job. The thought of having a deficit in my account savings in conjuction with the joy of receiving my first pay dreads me. Therefore, something struck me after I see a 4-digit amount in my bank today, first time in the last 3 years.



I'm going to plan my finances as of today. (Okay, as of next month. A fresh start is necessary to accomplish a tough goal. 好的开始是成功的一半， okay)

My humble plan is to put aside $50 every month, keeping my extra spendings to the minimum, unless very urgent. No worries there, I don't define urgency as buying a dress that I really like, nor that of having to kill stress by splurging. Urgency here, refers to friends' birthdays; a sudden spamming of lecture notes by my profs onto edventure or some life threatening circumstances, like if my dog gets kidnapped.

I have done a mental calculation of the amount to keep aside for necessities like concession and food, and how much I have left for extra spendings after the deduction of all those. What's left to do is to write that down in some account book, and getting ahead to DOING IT. Everything of me, including my horoscope, has constructed me into someone not very determined and too 青菜 to abide to my accounts. But that's never an excuse, right?

Yep, so that pretty much sums up the biggest event of my life at the present stage. Hey, saving up is a big thing for me.

And don't ask me why I have chosen to blog in English today. I think I just feel like it, and I'm certain that many of my friends will be happy about it. If you like I can do a translation:

简单的来说，我从没省过一分钱。一份耕耘，一份收获是我的座右铭。虽然两者往往无法成正比。。。。。

Have a nice day, everybudy! :)

P.S. I realised that I can be really longwinded in English, probably due to deprivation of vocab and lack of command of the language. Shucks.

人类的惩罚是自由

那种感觉，你懂吗？茫然，但不绝望的感觉。失落，但不低落的感觉。累，但不虚脱的感觉。

这样的想法，你曾有过吗？一瞬间想要用那把刀，往手上的青丝狠狠地割下去。但没有。你只是让手背上微微染上了一条红线。并不是在向死神宣战，只是暗暗的想调戏他。

人，总有很多愚蠢的念头。用死威胁老早可以舍弃的人，用泪水换取不必要的感情包袱，写部落格排遣自己无尽的郁闷。

心的波动那么复杂。人的一生那么曲折。就在当下，你是不是不知道为什么你在打字、在发呆、在读这行字？你不懂我在说什么，我何尝懂？

祝生日快乐

虽然迟了些，还是要在这里祝chin 生日快乐。

喜欢这张照片的感觉，喜欢每个人脸上熟悉的笑容。当然要谢谢寿星请我到他的party去，虽然我早走了些，不过还是希望你过得很开心！下一次在kim 的生日，我尽量不那么早走，Ok? :p

彷徨

当泪水找到一个借口留下，

心灵顿时得到了些许的洗涤。

洁白的心，

再一次要面对刺眼的阳光照射下的黑影。

眼珠子的疼痛，

只是提醒了我，

我还有很多要去面对，

包括太阳决定躲在云后边时，

取而代之的雨滴。

失望

不满意自己的一天。几天下来的缺眠，换来了对自己的失望。虽然听到一些鼓励的话，不过就好像面对着dementors一样，看到的反而是我害怕的，怜惜的脸。

是我不够自信吗？

这条学术的路，让我向往的路，只是憧憬吗？

我会再接再厉。

PMS

疲惫
不安
失落

一切应该都是The Monthly Affair害的。

好希望你能在我身边。那我至少能笑一笑。

不过至少从电话的另一端，还能听到安抚了我急躁心情的声音。即使只是偶尔示意的回应，也很足够。

力量

一个吻，一个拥抱，幻化成一股力量

前进的力量，往上爬的力量，对抗泪水的力量

不要哭，这是成长

不要哭，一切的辛苦将会过去

原来，不哭不难

累

漂流在一片无知的大海里

无止境的空虚



漂向何方？

别问

渴望抓住一根被动的木头

任性的逃避

懒散的随波逐流


无法呼吸

TO MY TWIN

Better pay attention, yes you, LIN MEIYIN！

二十一岁了，要加油啊！开始学保养，开始防晒！不然老人斑和下垂的肌肤在多几年就会找上你了。:D

不过除此之外，你还是很美的啦！HAHAHAHA.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I LOVE YOU! :D

满足

开学之前的几天，很多朋友哭丧着脸跟我说，“要开学了。。。很快hor?” 而我总是不以为然。

我喜欢开学，喜欢到学校的感觉，即使等待着我的是一叠又一叠的阅读资料。图书馆那令人安心的空气，朋友之间打招呼的笑容，休息之间谈不完的八卦，开学不只是忙不完的功课，不是吗？

假期里宣布当机的脑袋瓜，现在也被强迫开启了。这样子的我，努力朝向一个目标的我，才是我喜欢的自己。

Byebye

并行的走
脚步的坚定
已不再

跟不上
所以停步

转了个弯
通往另一个目的地
这不是平行线
不可奢望有交叉的一天

因为走了
另一方向
而只看向前方

不再倒退
不再回头

First Day

今天是开学第一天，新的学期，新的期许。我带着的，除了一大早起床的疲累，还有能够再次和同学一起学习的期待。万万没想到，除了新老师和熟悉的面孔，迎接我的新学期的还有朋友对我的心意。我很感动，很惊喜，但我不懂得表达。所以只是说了谢谢，请朋友千万不要认为我不珍惜。在这里只好小小用文字表达我的感谢。迟来的生日祝福，其实不迟。很感谢，很感谢。今天谈到的大计划，如果真有实行的一天，记得找我出份力，即便我这个“小女人”无法做到随传随到，劳心劳肺，但为中文系出点绵薄之力，我绝对义不容辞。

接下来的最后四个学期，还请多多指教。:)

Self Quiz

Meiyin, you are right! This is really rather accurate. Take it at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. (Am I?)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. (Check.)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. (Check.)

The seriousness of your love:You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? (I don't know abt this, haha. )

Your views on education:Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. (Check.)

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (Check.)

How do you view success:Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. (Check.)

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. (Check.)

Who is your true self:You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust. (Check. Esp the disappearing part.)

小妮子又犯罪啦！

之前（很久以前）一个人逛街时兴高采烈的买了一双平底鞋，殊不知为了不让妈妈知道，把它藏在房里的一个角落的我，竟然忘了它的存在。以下是我的犯罪证据之一：

被这个牌子吸引的我，今天又走进了另一间分行，看到了我一直在寻找的高跟鞋。它就摆在外头的特价架子上，直盯着我。于是有了以下的第二个犯罪证据：

而我只能说，无论在价钱、样式、高度、颜色等等，都足以促成我犯罪的动机，并且心甘情愿，不知悔改。

再来便是我今天最应该忏悔的最大罪名：



跟以上罪名不同的是，无论在样式、价钱和材质上，以前的我根本不会因此让我的双手沾上罪名的痕迹。希望近期内不会再有这样疯狂的犯罪心理了。（不要误会，我并不是在为自己的impulse buying 后悔，只是喜欢之余还是有点纳闷自己的阔气是在什么奠基上产生的。。。）

再来是最后一项：

依然是无可救药的不知悔改。太可爱了吧！价廉物美，无非如此。:P (才10块钱，有兴趣者可以到 Far East 三楼走走。)

真是罪过罪过啊，阿弥陀佛。

兴趣 | 理想

今天终于正式宣布“不干了~”。 老实说，喜欢在学校工作，就跟喜欢图书馆一样，熟悉的环境，熟悉的人，熟悉的空气。不过工作性质就不能混于一谈，这份工作很沉闷，很枯燥，无法持续激起我的兴趣。也许图书馆的工作将来也会一样。兴趣和现实，两者不是常被人说不要放在一起考量吗？虽然有越来越多人成功把兴趣当成工作，可是图书馆管理，应该无关兴趣吧？这也不过是我有限的兴趣范围内，让我觉得符合我的性格的一份工作。

以前，最大的理想便是组织家庭，相夫教子。现在说起来真的是单纯的可爱。这个理想说起来不难，但做起来却不是我一个人说了算的事。我老是忘了考虑当我一个人的时候，我会想做什么。现在决定事情的出发点，开始比较倾向于以我个人为单位的立场来想，所以有深造的念头，有工作的念头，反而是婚姻显得比较遥远。不过我也暗暗的希望，这份理想不会是遥不可及的。

HCL chalet 2008

You would have already known from the first picture what I'm gonna blog about (nevermind the title). Yeah that's right, what a chalet without mahjong, right? Not that I play, though.

Our 几年一度 HCL chalet! Here go the pictures, in no particular order! :)



These were about all the food we had. Having a class size of 18 people with probably only half of them eating, this is more than enough.

Let's check out the attendance!


Bey Yan ( Our 劳苦功高的 organiser of the chalet) and lovely Hiang En!

Dearest 大姐大 Lihui! The one I can always run to if I need a (female) shoulder to cry on. :)

Our entertainers, Junjie ( left) and Yong Ann (right)! Both of them coming to NTU this coming aug, yay! Yong Ann nearly became my junior. However... 柯老师，潘老师，为什么你们不要他？！

Like i said, what's a chalet w/o mahjong?

Belinda (right) came! These two girls were sitting at a corner gossiping abt god-knows- what (I heard "that guy was a bas****“) when I said "来，拍张照!"

Well, you can see that the others were busy with mahjong, so we took a picture on our own! 自拍有什么问题！:)

Chin seng came with a big baggage. He and Meiqi flew off to Taiwan the next morning. Take care and do lots of shopping! :)

Meiqi at the back, along with Yin.

And that's us. 这个照片的组合不用再多加介绍了。:)

KH came after his SU camp which happened to be nearby, at like 3am in the morning.

Weiliang (right) reached ard that time too, and the three musketeers started to sink into their own worlds, like they always do. Somehow, this picture reminds me of the wax figurines of WWII in Sentosa. The ones depicting the scene where they signed the treaty. hahaha.

The girls never succeed in entering their world. Not that we want to, if you've heard the kind of topics they discussed about. I don't play mahjong, so I sat around and listened. The mahjong group (a.k.a. the girls) might not agree with what they were discussing, which caused a slight tension in between the two groups, but I must say they did amaze me quite a bit with their depth. 我们的男生长大了~haha.

Next up was a midnight KTV session.

Yong Ann singing! 你是中文系的料lor, Yong Ann! :(

Belinda has a good voice! Meiqi has good skin. Hahaha. 两个都是我可遇不可求的。><

I always manage to catch meiyin in moments she didn't realise.

And in angles she doesn't like. :P

I didn't say cheese, hence Yong Ann's expression. JJ was alert to the flashlight! :D

And we sang til 3am in the morning! Finally, the group picture with the (almost) full attendance of the day!

Don't you just smile at the number of people in the picture? :) I must say I love all these people, from sec 1! They made up much of my memories in TMS, and they made me what I am today. We may have our own lives, but the bond never breaks. After all these years, I'm glad we still appreciate.

最后，我要做件很无聊的事。既然是高级华文班，让我把大家的华文名字写下吧！I'm sure all of you havent seen your chinese names for a long long time, unlike me. haha, here goes! correct me if I'm wrong!

In the picture's order（left to right): 晋成；立蕙；惠晴；美琪；燕玲；美吟；贤恩；倍燕；惠芯 （“惠”有人字旁）；俊杰；泳安

(Not in picture): 伟良；金勋；惠婷；maggie ong (i know you dun wan to see your chinese name here. haha); 勇成；媚忆

I didn't miss out on anyone, hor? :p

笨蛋

当一个人在无法用言语上给予另一个人承诺时，往往会说：行动比较重要。

自认为很高尚的一句话，其实背后的意义是：我不能够给你口头上的承诺。试问，连承诺都不能给的人，又怎么能够夸下海口，要用行动去证明？证明什么，只是证明你连口头上的承诺都给不起罢了。

当一人在为了逃避口头上的责任而说这句话时，或许只是buying some time。笨的人就会相信，然后发现等了很久，都没有任何能够替代承诺的行动。原来口头上的承诺才是在当下让你安心的，所谓“行动”的一部分。

想要用行动证明的人，应该先把承诺说出，再用行动证明，不然行动不附有任何意义。

疲惫

最近，很累很累。不知道为什么，自己的身体开始闹别扭，就算一天睡足八个小时，每天固定跑步20分钟以上，每天吃两份蔬菜一份水果，喝足6、7罐500ml的水，还是没用。累就是累。昨天下楼跑步，兴致勃勃地在心中安排了即将尝试的新路线（虽然一分钟之前因为看到中学生在楼梯口热吻，情绪受到小小影响）。 才刚起跑1分钟，数千只蚂蚁乱串的感觉竟然马上布满全身，然后手心开始出冷汗。其实当下就有放弃，今天不跑了的念头，不过这样就违背了之前立志要过健康生活加减肥的目标了。所以还是硬撑了20分钟。

今天一大早起身，本来看天气挺好的，想再下去跑跑步，不过还是心有余悸。而且身体似乎快散了一样，很疲倦。昨天的我12点就睡了，我知道这对很多朋友来说，是不可理喻得早。

身体出了什么问题，我也不知道。不过我相信心情对身体的影响是有的。或许是我最近心情调适不过来，身体就也附和着，我在灌个八箱水果也没有用了。

oh...

I miss my nephew.

I miss my nephew.

I miss my nephew.

And I'm gonna see him this friday! Yay!

Oh and I'm also going to see my beloved friends this coming chalet! I'm anticipating, and you guys better be, too!!!